unmoved

i am eveywhere!
rumors about me!
why don't they just let me live?
dreaming i have my unfeeling heart
wishing i'm numb!
people, digging my widening imperfection,
disgusted with myself
disgusted by my 18 year-old weakness
and i
i amn disgusted with them and their noise!
my clouds are lowering on the rain swept horizon
but before the iron grip of storm closed the
sun's eyes forever,
a faint glimmer of light
shafted across my turbulent way.
their wanton distracion left me unmoved!

foolish thing

I still have in my mind
The fresh memories
That the one I loved
Had left in me.

I grasped his hand
When he tried to walk away
As our drama continued gradually.

Drastic times I can hardly bare
Too much pain glows like a flare
I was torn on what to do.
I had too much confusion during that show.

I have loved him deeply then
But I guess that wasn’t enough for him.
He dropped me down
And that have caused me to frown.
It almost made me drown.

But thinking of:

The abandonment he made me feel
The argument full of blasphemy
The extremely unpleasant times we shared
The horrifying relationship we had.

Fact:

Pity me for what happened
But shame on him
On what he did!
I was maybe in love with him
But I just don’t deserve him.

that dream and my life

I had this dream when I found
Myself mingling with flesh-and-blood people
Where in my mind, the scene
Was a dreamlike fantasy
As people from another time and place
Glides around the dance floor,
Where I was standing.

It felt like I was in an
Aimless wander as I tried to grip the moment.
And I thought
I’ve reached my greatest desire.

But with just the wink of an eye
My afternoon sky had been suddenly
Obliterated by enormous cloud and sand
Instantly turning day into night.

It was a dream utterly unlike
Any dream I’ve dreamed before.
And it made me think of them
Who toppled me into this hellish
Paradise I’m in.
People who have forsaken my worth,
Who made my misery into agony.

And just I thought
I’ve been racing through the long nights,
Traveling over bumpy roads by moonlight.
I am exhausted.
But I could feel hope begin to creep into
My tired body.
I’m going to make it, I thought dully.
I’m going to make it.

People I thought were real are ghosts.
And yes! They were there.
They were a part of those years,
A part of my life
Yet on the dreadful side.

am i existing?

Neither was i seen

nor heard.

fOr eVen to my own eaRs
my voice was neVer pLaintiVe
waS neVer youNg

t'wAs a Voice
oF a negLeCted HumAn.

Am i ExisTing?

oR TheY're Just

too dEAf to lisTen
tOo Blind to seE

the me in the i

a very shallow individual.

i make things too

big for me to carry

i am weak wen i'm in love

i am strong wen im giving up

i hear voice whispring from deep within

i can see things beyond my dreamse

exageration may it be..

but for me.. it is my reality