Wednesday, December 31, 2008

alive? lifeless maybe :(

there are a lot of things in my mind lately which made me feel anxious.. it has been bothering me all the while and i couldn't help but worry.. i am not able to mingle with people lately, haven't been exposed to the sun for quite a while, never eaten right, and i am concentrating much on my misfortunes and i realized how lifeless i become.. i wasn't aware of my being "DEAD", until a friend, without any hesitations,spoke of truth and told me how my ACTS of DESPERATION becomes visible/noticeable enough and how it dominates my life(as if i still have a life). *Sigh. it hurts to know the truth but i have to face it.okay.. i just can't act normally knowing that i am carrying tons and tons of this sh*t! i am trying but i guess i need a little more *PUSH* on that part.. i just don't have the will to fight anymore.. i am gradually losing every bit of hope that's left.. i am too exhausted.. i wanna give up but i don't see it as a solution, not even an option.. i wanna go on and continue, but how? i don't even know where to begin.. i feel like i am life-deprived..

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

sad christmas :(

okay, it's already 1 am.. december 24, 2008.. DAMN! it's almost x'mas.. unfortunately, i almost didn't noticed it.. and i know for sure why..

haay how i wish i'd be able to spend it with bryan.. like before :(
yah yah, i know it's not possible.. he'll be home.. but not this christmas..
i'm feeling so lonely and sad.. :( never felt this kind of sadness before, swear!

i woke up with an aching heart. and i mean, physical pain. i woke up almost crying.. i'm so sad.. maybe i'm just missing him terribly :(
this isn't good but i need to face this!

on the brighter side..
i'm still thankful because we're ok now. :)
we were like fighting for almost a week straight and thank God the war's over..
:) for now maybe HAHA

ok. he loves me! =p i know right? :))
but i love him more. i swear i love you more than anything..