Sunday, February 7, 2010

crap!!!!

i woke up feeling heavy and with my heart beating abnormally. this shouldn't be happening. i only have one reason for this. unsurprisingly, because of Bryan. stupidity! i don't wanna admit to myself that i still love him because, i shouldn't be loving him anymore. but how can i deny it when all these stupid feelings and mixed of emotions are haunting me. i feel like crying because i don't understand everything. everything's fuckin' up!! i don't wanna become unfair to Virgil, because, there's no doubt that he loves me and i don't wanna hurt him. i don't wanna hurt people anymore.. this is all my fault in the first place. but all this time, i thought, i'm through with all these crap! and then now? all of a sudden, i am in this situation again. I've been here. and as far as i wanna get rid of this,the more it's coming back on me. is this, what they call, KARMA? well, maybe. i have to face this. but it's killing me. it's absorbing all my strength. the more that i try to solve it, the more it's making me weak. and it hurts like BOOOOO!! crap!! my heart's like it's been crumpled and torn apart.. f*CK this!

Friday, February 5, 2010

the reply :)

OMG! i just couldn't believe it:) i'm like so happy!! yey!! haha why? remember i told you that i greeted bryan during his birthday and have had no reply? well, he replied! and i think he was kind of touched when i greeted him that's why he has sent me a very kind response haha haaay no! this is nothing! i'm just happy because he is still the same person i once knew :) he really hasn't changed.. and, i miss him. i really told him i miss him. well i don't care what he'd think about it anyway :)) haha and he asked for my cellphone number! like, WHAT? haha okay, he's not the kind of guy that would still hang out with his ex's so yah, i'm like so surprised. i gave him my number immediately. of course, i wanna know how he's rollin' this days you know :) weeeee i am just so happy :) his reply completed my day :) and now,i can sleep with a smile painted on my face hahahaha or a tear to fall down on my cheeks? WTF! :(

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

uncertainties

i just don't get it. i don't understand my life.. it's like everything's becoming so blurry and unclear. part of it, yeah, i love some part of it.. but mostly? i just hate it. myself.. i hate myself.. i don't like the way i am.. i am not good enough. i don't do anything right.. i don't have anything i can be proud of. except for the fact that i am a good lover hahaha but besides that, nothing. nothing else feels right..

i dropped out of school. because i don't like it being there anymore.. i don't like seeing a lot of people and talking and connecting to them. and worse, i don't know why i am acting like this.. maybe i lost my sanity.. which is really really really bad and sad hahaha

my boyfriend, he doesn't know that i dropped out because one thing's for sure, he'll be so mad at me if he'd know about it. my gahd! haaay BOO HOO!!!

right now, i just wanna be in a place where no one knows me.. i wanna go sou lsearching and all. maybe i need that. haay i just hope i'd get the chance to do that. i wanna fix everything in my life..
Last night I dream that you were beside me
It seems so real that I cried
When you've touched me
You’re my angel
And you've given me wings

And I fly away with you wherever you go
Cause you filled my heart and you captured my soul
And baby i want you to know

CHORUS:
If there's one thing in this world that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart

And I know there's a million stars between us
But that won't stop my longing
To hold you and to kiss you
How I love you

And I'll find my way to you wherever you are
Coz you're in my soul and you've got my heart
And your love will carry me on

CHORUS:
If there's one thing in this world that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart

Here in my arms,were you should be
Cause your love that makes me believe
That nothing or no one can tear us apart cause baby your in my heart

CHORUS:
If there's one thing in this world that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart