SOS

there's still no sign of progress..we still fight over the same things, again and again.. and again, he'd always put the blame on me.. i'm just wondering if is it really just ALL my fault? he'd take no responsibility about the fights that we had because for him, it's all my fault.. i don't know.. i don't know what to think right now.. it makes me want to hate myself even more.. i don't think if i made him happy at all.. maybe we're really not meant for each other.. maybe we just met because with each other, we can learn a lot.. actually, i really have learned a lot.. but the problem is that, i don't know how to make things right. i don't know how to do things right..

God! i badly need help...

i don't know what to feel..

virgil and i had a serious convo regarding our relationship.. we fight over petty things,making it a big deal which leads to a more complicated situation.. for 9 months that we've been together, still we haven't able to adjust to each other.. he's new at something like this, you know, this kind of serious type of relationship.. we both don't know how to work things out.. i don't know, maybe i'm just too selfish, too possesive.. haaay not healthy! grrr you know, i think we won't last long together because none of us is willing to stoop down our pride for our relationship's sake. haay that'd be sad :( i don't ecpext anything anymore on this relationship. i'm almost tired, and there were several times that i really gave up.. i broke up with him,and i was like so amazed when he didn't agree with me on that because as far as i know, he's the kind of guy who always breaks up with his gf's before, but not with me? i don't know.. i felt flattered though, and glad that i am not one of those girls he didn't love.. and that's according to him. he'd always tell me that i'm his first love and i believe him.. :) i have nothing against him because he really loves me, it's just that, i dont know how to understand him.. i can't.. okay. the problem's with me. GAGA! sometimes, i wanna feel numb because i don't want to feel all these unwanted feelings. unneccessary feelings towards his actions because he's not doing anything illegal,in fact, he's so honest.. he'd always tell me where he'd go, who he's with and all that..haaay i'm being pathetic and paranoid! what's wrong with me? i don't want this. gahd! i love him so much and i'm so scared that i might just lose him because of my unwanted attitudes. huhu help! badly need help! i have a lot more to share next time.. i'm getting so sleepy now so 'kay! enough with the drama. i need to go to bed now. good night. :(