Wednesday, March 7, 2012

good-bye

i never thought that would be the last time i would ever wanna see him.

all i ever did, was to love this guy for almost forever. i never even get the chance to hurt him despite how he is to me.. i chose not to forget him because somehow, he has been the greatest man i know.. but i guess im tired now and i wanna be happy.. so from this moment onward, goodbye to everything.. goodbye to my one great love.. :)

good night everyone!
life is short, so choose to be happy! good vibes!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

love, you have invested so much in our relationship and i am so thankful and grateful for that... i have hurt you so many times, we broke up so many times but in the end, it's still us... i love you so much... i don't ever wanna lose you love, you're my happiness.

you did everything for me, for alannah..
you compromised half of your plans because of me.
i felt bad and thankful at the same time.
i promise, i'd do anything for you, for Alannah, for us for our relationship.


i love you love.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

ganina

i am okay.. or at least for now.. or maybe, wa pa na absord nako ang nahitabo ganina.. basta, i know i'll be fine.. i'll be okay.. ako pa? :D i don't wanna wake up nga ako ra gihapoy gihimong tanga,,, what happened ganina was a blessing in disguise,i guess.. para ma undang na ang kinahanglan undangon...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

blah!!

i don't know what to feel, in all honesty.. but one thing's for sure, i miss him so much!

Monday, March 21, 2011

happy. :)

simple things from someone you love could mean the world to you :)

i hated how all these changes are coming so drastically,particularly in our relationship. i hate the distance. i hate missing him. i hate my negative thoughts about what he's always up to. i hate how i make him feel like i don't trust him at times. yeah, because we're miles apart and it's just killing me not being with him like how it used to.

the lonesomeness is just way too painful whenever i'm alone in my room and could think of just wanting to always be with him everyday of my life. i wanna spend all my time being with him(which i know won't be possible to happen now or anytime soon because he has to work).

last night was never different from all of the past nights without him.

but what he did last night has just blown me off. my tears fell, i couldn't helped it. i was so happy. he did something so great. he did something no one else ever did, really. it made me love him more. i swear!

he may never be that handsome or tall or intelligent. he's not perfect i know, but he's the right one for me,for now.

he has done a lot for me and i couldn't thank him enough for everything. i know, i can feel it, he loves me so much and i am so blessed to have someone who loves me this way. i really couldn't ask for anything more right now..

You're still so good to me Lord. despite who and what i am, you're always here for me. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

blagadag! lazy ass!!

sometimes you can't help but ask yourself--- "why me?" or "why him?"

i was deeply in love with this guy but unfortunately, he doesn't feel the same for me. For him, I am just a "FRIEND". Blame me for being so stupid. But in spite of that FACT, i continued loving him, loving him and just loving him. I was so deaf and blind about the TRUTH because i believed that "when you love someone, you must fight for that love", and so i did. The possibilities of getting hurt and getting DUMPED never crossed my mind. I was so positive about everything. I was contented just by loving him and being there for him... as a friend.

But of course! Life can be cruel at times. and so the worst thing happened.

Suddenly, he stopped caring. he stopped needing me. That was it? it's not fair!!! But i could never blame him... I tried to reach out, but nothing happened. and the least thing i did? i just cried. i cried and i cried hoping that when the tears would stop, the pain would stop as well. But it didn't.

There i was. lonesome and lonely. stressed and depressed.

It was so hard for me to move on because I've given him a lot :( and what made it the hardest? oh well... (for you to find out)...

i thought it was the end. i wanted to be dead. it was undoubtedly, the BIGGEST and the HARDEST trouble I've ever gotten into. ooops! I'm sorry but i don't want to relive the feeling i had during those times. so.......... :P

(making it short)

i suffered BIGTIME!... i tried to act strong, i had to be strong.
(i don't want any DRAMA right now... so i'll skip this part right here LOL)

:) WHAT MATTERS NOW IS THAT I'M GOOD AND WE'RE ALL GOOD. ayt?HAHA

lot's of things had happen lately in my life, and up until now, i still can't believe how i surpassed'em all. :) but i don't want to question anymore. :) i'm just so thankful i was able to handle everything. thank you so much Lord. :)

(i ruined that portion right there. oh! i'm so sorry, it's just that, all of a sudden i feel LAAAAZZZZYYYY HAHAHA)

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

sure ko?

it was last june 21, 2010 when i first met you.. i never liked you.. you used to look at me weirdly, and it annoys me.. but still i befriended you, because, i have this feeling that you're not that bad and all. we talked, we laughed, we watched movies, we listened to music, and i got to know you well. days passed, and we had this kind of connection.. i was never sure about my feelings for you that time, pero gisugot tika. you introduced me to all of your friends, you were so proud at that time, that i was your girl. but everytime your friends would ask me if we were really 'gf/bf', i'd always deny it. and nasakitan ka. you even asked me once 'quen, ikaulaw ko nimo nga uyab ta?' and i said, 'no, hadlok lang ko sa ila ma storya', but still, i know i've hurt you.. weeks passed and you gave up, because you felt that i don't care and i'm not proud of you.. it was okay.. we remained friends. we still hangout every time, and like everyday it was still me and you, until i fell in love. i never told you, because i want you to ask me again if i'm willing to be your girl, one more time. but that never happened. one day we had a serious conversation, and i finally told you i love you. you just smiled, you thanked me. but you never told me you love me too. that was still okay. everday that we're together, my for you just keeps going stronger.. one day, you said you're going out on a vacation with friends in manila and with your family in singapore.. it made me sad, because, with all that time that you''d have away from me, you might find someone else, but then you told me, that if i will quit smoking and stop drinking when you come back, you're going to court me again. i was happy. you were in singapore, and i am here yet you never failed to go online and chat with me even in the middle of the night. you even messaged es saying how you missed me. i was hopeful. you came home, you've been so sweet and i was surprised. but still you never told me those words. one morning we talked, you told me you love me, but you're not ready to commit. i cried. you hugged me.. we remained just friends, until now.. we've been friends for 7 months now, but you've changed already. you've changed a lot. you're treating me like i'm just no one. even to the point that you told me you feel nothing for me anymore. you disrespected and insulted me in front of your friends and mine. pero okay ra, i don't blame you for anything.. and i still love you, despite everything... you pushed me away but still here i am, trying to stand still, trying to be strong because i still love you... we've been through a lot bisag sa gamay nga time nga nag-uban ta.. and it's not that easy to let go... i'm still hoping. even if i know it has already ended... even if i know that you were long gone...

just a while ago,

i realized, i don't deserve all these pain.. i wanna be happy.. it's hard but i have to move on, to let go, and to go on with my life... that's why i'm saying good-bye... i hope sayun ra ang tanan... i'll be happy in time...

i'm letting go. and i'm ready to move on.

happy ending- Mika lyrics

Art of letting go by Mikaila

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

*sigh

i wanna say i'm okay, that everything's going just fine, but how? things are getting heavier and i cannot conceal it any longer. i wanna hate myself for the things that's happening, but who else would love me if i, myself would choose to hate who i am?

i'm trying so hard to act strong, to be strong but i'm not getting stronger each day. i'm on the verge of breaking down and giving up, but i thought, that wouldn't help it either. *sigh!

he's not helping and i can't do anything about that. he wants to be happy, then let him have his happiness. pfft!

i'm so confused. God, please help me... i know you're the only one who can help me with this..

sleep

i survived another day. i have forgotten everything about the world for 24hours. only because i slept the whole day. i wish to stay asleep for a long time until everything's fine so i wouldn't have to suffer this kind of pain every time my eyes are open.

You Learn+Lyrics Alanis Morissette

Guns N' Roses - Patience lyrics(and some pictures)

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

black :(

i was there when you were still so tiny and cute.. i was there when he'd feed you with worms, dragonflies and flies.. i watched you grow bigger and bigger each time... i'd look for you whenever i don't see you anywhere... it's just sad to know that i may not be able to see you grow bigger anymore... :( i'm gonna miss you... i hope when you grow BIGGER, you won't scare people like how you scare me at times :D i hope he'd still take good care of you. bye black :(




Saturday, December 11, 2010

tired much

i'm too tired. it has been like this for a few months, and i'm still holding on... i just can't let go... this is so exhausting... i don't know why i'm punishing myself. i know i deserve my happiness... i'm acting stupid... my heart's like it's been torn apart.. i always feel like crying...

i miss having a normal life.. think i already forgot what FUN's all about..

i miss being happy...

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

hey! :(

i don't know, but despite everything, he still means a lot to me.. i find it so hard to let go and just forget him because he taught me a lot and that's really something... i miss him.. i miss how he used to be.. i miss how we used to be.. i miss it when he'd tell me he loves me and how he cares for me.. everything has changed now and it hurts me a lot...

no more "island view's"...
no more US :(

he's obviously happy now and unfortunately, i feel the opposite :( i feel lacking... i feel empty... i feel abandoned and ignored... i feel so unloved... i feel so unworthy... i feel so useless.. i am really really hopeless now...

and yea! i'm hopeless! so what am i still doing here??! stupid!! i know right? :(
i just feel like, i still want to be a part of him in any way possible.. truth is.. i cant afford losing him.. not now.. i know not what to do anymore... can't think straight... can't do anything right...

i am a loser!! or not? i don't know! i don't know what i am.. all i know is,
I NEED HIM this baaaaaaaaaaaad :(

i wish he knows how i feel.

hey!
i still love you...... so much :(

Saturday, October 2, 2010

kapungot!

okay..

so..

i'll try..

i'll give it a try!

Friday, September 3, 2010

unsa man jud?

why is it that every time i start to give up and ignore you, it's when you try to remember me and please me? you're confusing me :(

Kelly clarkson - My Grown Up Christmas List (W/ Lyrics)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

set you free - mymp




oh my! i miss you.. and it's just to painful to love you.. kay wa ko kabalo unsa ko sa imo kinabuhi... i know i'll be fine soon.. i hope... i'm just hurting because until now bisag layo naka, i still love you so much... and still loving you more everyday... ug pwede pa lang storyahan ang heart nga dili nalang ikaw, ako na siguro gibuhat, kay sakit man gud.. pero mawala ang kasakit pagmkadumdum ko ug mafeel nako unsa tka ka love.... libog much! ako sad galibog... hehe btaw, happy nako basta mapa happy lang tkaw... okay na na nako... kung dani rajud ko taman... kung dana ra jud ko taman... siguro madawat ra nako puhon... pero unta, unta... every night, i always pray to God, that i hope someday, ako unta... ako nalang unta... i heartily and sincerely mean every words. pinatulo luha pa. murag salida hehe btaw, wish i could tell you how much i love you again,in person, someday... i miss you soooooooo much :( and i mean it! pwede ko iyak? :'( i love you! you mean everything to me.. God knows how much i love you!

flightless bird - iron & wine lyrics

God gave me U

Across the Universe lyrics

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

love him


LOVE – it is everywhere and it is in every one of us.

Loving has become my habit or even my way of life. I cannot live without it. When I love, I love passionately, I love deeply that’s why when I get hurt because of it, it would feel like it’s the end of everything to me. I don’t know, it’s just the way I am. I find it hard for me to control my feelings when it comes to it. I don’t know how to love without giving my all, without giving a hundred percent. That’s why when I lose it, I would feel like I have lost everything. But you know what? After meeting this man, I was slowly learning how to balance things and feelings. I learned a lot from him and I am still learning even more right now. Gradually, I am finding my way back to the right path. He has changed me. And I mean, A LOT! He taught me more and more about life and living and loving. He has given me the right direction that no one ever did. And even though I know he doesn’t feel the same, I actually don’t care.

before, when someone would say “when you love, you don’t ask for any thing in return”, and I was like-“that’s just not fair!”.. but hey! Look at me now? I am happy even if I know he doesn’t love me. He cares for me! That’s all that matters to me now… I love him. I’m happy loving him. And I know that it isn’t selfishness. I thank God so much for giving me a friend and a person to love. Maybe God gave him to me, because He knows that I could have my life back if I’d ever meet him. And as always, God never fails. J thank you oh dear Lord so much! I will always have my faith in you!

just sad


There are some things in your life, that no matter how you try to conceal it, you can’t. Feelings you can’t hide, Tears that couldn’t help but fall. Broken hearts that was never mended, sadness, emptiness? It’ll show, no matter how you try to deny it.

You have to shout it out if you must. Show it off until it’s gone.

I wish it’ll all be that easy to do.

The hardest part is, when you can’t find any other way, but to cry and keep everything by yourself. It’s a fact that every one of us, should know how to let go and move on no matter how painful it is, because the more you hold on to it, the more it’ll hurt.

Funny is that, you cannot teach your heart to love the ones who love you. You always end up loving someone who doesn’t feel the same- ironic.

The only thing that has kept me going is the faith, that somehow, someday, I’ll have my turn. Being cynical about this kind of situation wouldn’t help you get through it. Sometimes, all you gotta need is to keep even the tiniest hope in your veins in order to survive.

Friday, June 4, 2010

friends.. for keeps :)

i'm going to blog because i don't feel well..

its really sad when you get too attached to the people you always hang out with and then suddenly, they have to go to places for some reasons.. :(

been hanging out everyday with my super friends for almost 4months straight 'til now and i'm getting used to this...
they've been like a part of my daily routine, that whenever we don't see/call/talk/text each other in a day, would make me feel sad and lacking...

now, one by one, they're leaving. not for good, but then i'm still gonna miss them :(

mik2x-went to the states
shan and buray-busy with their reviews

and now tap2x, my closest friend, more like my brother, is leaving for cebu. :(

i know we all have different lives to live. i completely understand that.. it's just that, i'm really really really going to miss them.. :(

our tagay sessions, laag2x, kaon2x, chikka2x and everything..

it wouldn't be the same anymore,i know... i just hope that wherever we go, whatever we do, we won't be able to forget what we have.. FRIENDSHIP!

i love my friends so much. they're like my brothers and sisters :) we've shared a lot of laughs and tears. :) they were there when i needed them the most and i love them so much for that.

mawala na ang tanan dili lang sila :)

Sunday, February 7, 2010

crap!!!!

i woke up feeling heavy and with my heart beating abnormally. this shouldn't be happening. i only have one reason for this. unsurprisingly, because of Bryan. stupidity! i don't wanna admit to myself that i still love him because, i shouldn't be loving him anymore. but how can i deny it when all these stupid feelings and mixed of emotions are haunting me. i feel like crying because i don't understand everything. everything's fuckin' up!! i don't wanna become unfair to Virgil, because, there's no doubt that he loves me and i don't wanna hurt him. i don't wanna hurt people anymore.. this is all my fault in the first place. but all this time, i thought, i'm through with all these crap! and then now? all of a sudden, i am in this situation again. I've been here. and as far as i wanna get rid of this,the more it's coming back on me. is this, what they call, KARMA? well, maybe. i have to face this. but it's killing me. it's absorbing all my strength. the more that i try to solve it, the more it's making me weak. and it hurts like BOOOOO!! crap!! my heart's like it's been crumpled and torn apart.. f*CK this!

Friday, February 5, 2010

the reply :)

OMG! i just couldn't believe it:) i'm like so happy!! yey!! haha why? remember i told you that i greeted bryan during his birthday and have had no reply? well, he replied! and i think he was kind of touched when i greeted him that's why he has sent me a very kind response haha haaay no! this is nothing! i'm just happy because he is still the same person i once knew :) he really hasn't changed.. and, i miss him. i really told him i miss him. well i don't care what he'd think about it anyway :)) haha and he asked for my cellphone number! like, WHAT? haha okay, he's not the kind of guy that would still hang out with his ex's so yah, i'm like so surprised. i gave him my number immediately. of course, i wanna know how he's rollin' this days you know :) weeeee i am just so happy :) his reply completed my day :) and now,i can sleep with a smile painted on my face hahahaha or a tear to fall down on my cheeks? WTF! :(

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

uncertainties

i just don't get it. i don't understand my life.. it's like everything's becoming so blurry and unclear. part of it, yeah, i love some part of it.. but mostly? i just hate it. myself.. i hate myself.. i don't like the way i am.. i am not good enough. i don't do anything right.. i don't have anything i can be proud of. except for the fact that i am a good lover hahaha but besides that, nothing. nothing else feels right..

i dropped out of school. because i don't like it being there anymore.. i don't like seeing a lot of people and talking and connecting to them. and worse, i don't know why i am acting like this.. maybe i lost my sanity.. which is really really really bad and sad hahaha

my boyfriend, he doesn't know that i dropped out because one thing's for sure, he'll be so mad at me if he'd know about it. my gahd! haaay BOO HOO!!!

right now, i just wanna be in a place where no one knows me.. i wanna go sou lsearching and all. maybe i need that. haay i just hope i'd get the chance to do that. i wanna fix everything in my life..
Last night I dream that you were beside me
It seems so real that I cried
When you've touched me
You’re my angel
And you've given me wings

And I fly away with you wherever you go
Cause you filled my heart and you captured my soul
And baby i want you to know

CHORUS:
If there's one thing in this world that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart

And I know there's a million stars between us
But that won't stop my longing
To hold you and to kiss you
How I love you

And I'll find my way to you wherever you are
Coz you're in my soul and you've got my heart
And your love will carry me on

CHORUS:
If there's one thing in this world that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart

Here in my arms,were you should be
Cause your love that makes me believe
That nothing or no one can tear us apart cause baby your in my heart

CHORUS:
If there's one thing in this world that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
video

Sunday, January 31, 2010

anxiety

hey there my dearest! i missed you! haha oh well, i miss blogging so here i am :)

let me start it with a *sigh! haaaay :( i don't understand why i feel this way.. he's been in my mind for like what? a week maybe.. he. i mean, bryan. tsk. why can't i get over him...this is driving me insane. this is just so wrong. you know what? there were i guess, two or three nights that i cried because i missed him? i don't know. who can tell? *sigh! again! this is stressing me out. i came to a point when i started comparing the differences between bryan and virgil. it's just so fukcin' wrong! i'm not myself lately, or am i? GAHD!!
to tell you the truth, i have messaged him, i greeted him because it was his birthday last 18th. and i was so fukcin' anxious that he's not replyin'.. only to know that he's not in washington but in calif right now. so yeah, that explains why he hasn't replied. i am, yes! waiting for a reply. i look desperate! goodness!! but the hell i care! this is what i want now. i am not after anything.. i am only doing this because, i miss the feeling of having him. i am not expecting for anything. i am not doing this to have him back.. it's not like that and i don't even think that would be a great idea. i just want to feel that he's not gone.. like, he's still here.. for me.. because he has been my bestfriend.. he was once my best friend :(

if ever virgil could read this, maybe he'll get angry or upset but know what? he shouldn't feel that way because i love him and i wont do anything that could make him mad.. i'm just trying to burst out what i feel because i can't talk with this kind of stuffs with virgil.. right? and i don't wanna share this things to anyone because, i don't want to hahaha haaay i just hope and pray that everything will be fine...

God is good.i know. :)

Monday, January 18, 2010

hmmm? :)

i'm the only one in the house who's still awake.. it's late already and i have this insomnia again.. :) i was checking on my Facebook and twitter, read some random things about random friends and random people when i suddenly felt random :) weird,eh?
hmm i've reaed several tweets of some people on how they enjoyed much of their day and how busy they are, and i thought, how i wanted to have a busy and happy life like them.. i mean, i want it to happen like, always.. :) haha well, i somehow i feel tired already of not having to do much fun stuffs, i always worry about something and i think i'm focusing too much on one thing that i never get to enjoy the rest of what i have.. get me? i hope you do. haha
i miss the life i used to have.. less worries,just pure fun! haaay i wish i could get to have that life again. it's really all up to me,ayt? problem is, i don't know how to begin. :) haha
right now, it's all i wanna do. i wanna have fun fun fun. i want happiness.. and, i'll try to start to live like that first thing tomorrow :) haha

that's all for now :) ciao! :)

Sunday, January 17, 2010

just woke up.

i just woke up.. and i don't feel well..physically and emotionally.. i'm kind if pissed because until now, virgil's still not answering my calls and texts.. i don't want to start a fight again but the hell! he should keep his promises! i haven't eaten anything today and i'm feeling really really hungry now but i don't wanna go out of this room until i get a reply from him. :) haha i'm punishing myself! gahd! my eyes are hurting because i slept soo late. oh! i slept so early haha because i went to sleep 5am this morning,so yea! that's early. haha and plus! i haven't take shower yet so i think i already smell awful haha imma do that later 'coz i'm still not in the mood to MOVE =)

arayt! i'm feelin' lazy to think and type so, latez!

jst before i go to sleep :)

let me just blog since i can't sleep yet. i'm really not feeling sleepy at all. it's already 4 Am and here i am, still facing my laptop. i miss my babo.. he went home but he'll be back here tomorrow :) i'm always missing him.. i'm really so attached to him.. tsk. i don't know if that's a good thing, all i know is that i feel so right everytime i'm with him. *smile. 'kay, so since i already started it, imma tell you everything about my boyfriend now.

he's full name's Virgil dela Cruz Chiong. 3rd son of mr. perferio chiong and henrieta chiong. has 3 siblings,namely; Christiaan chiong, paul vincent chiong and andrew chiong.
birthdate: dec. 19, 1988. he's now 21 years old. he lives in brgy. sta. cruz, tangub city..
:)) okay,

he's my one and only love :) haha we often get into small fights because, we're both intelligent hahaha no.. we fight a lot because non of us is willing to give up something for our relationship. when i say give up something,i mean, to give up the things that we have used to had or the things that we used to experience on both our previous relationship slash partners. sad i know. but slowly, we're working on things now..

virgil:
used to have a "wala-lang-relationship"
quennie:
"been through a series of serious relationship"

he's new at something so familiar to me
i'm new at something so familiar to him..

where do we go from here? hmmm

we are dealing on this. we know, things will get better soon. this sin't such a big big big deal you know, it's just that fighting over the same things? it's very tiring.. so, yah!

i'm happy that he's putting so much effort for our relationship.. i know he loves me.. it shows, and i'm just so glad he does.. he's the best person i know.. nothing compares to him. no one. that's why i love him. and i'm loving him for always.... :)

'til next time. babush for now, blog! haha

Sunday, December 13, 2009

SOS

there's still no sign of progress..we still fight over the same things, again and again.. and again, he'd always put the blame on me.. i'm just wondering if is it really just ALL my fault? he'd take no responsibility about the fights that we had because for him, it's all my fault.. i don't know.. i don't know what to think right now.. it makes me want to hate myself even more.. i don't think if i made him happy at all.. maybe we're really not meant for each other.. maybe we just met because with each other, we can learn a lot.. actually, i really have learned a lot.. but the problem is that, i don't know how to make things right. i don't know how to do things right..

God! i badly need help...

Thursday, December 3, 2009

i don't know what to feel..

virgil and i had a serious convo regarding our relationship.. we fight over petty things,making it a big deal which leads to a more complicated situation.. for 9 months that we've been together, still we haven't able to adjust to each other.. he's new at something like this, you know, this kind of serious type of relationship.. we both don't know how to work things out.. i don't know, maybe i'm just too selfish, too possesive.. haaay not healthy! grrr you know, i think we won't last long together because none of us is willing to stoop down our pride for our relationship's sake. haay that'd be sad :( i don't ecpext anything anymore on this relationship. i'm almost tired, and there were several times that i really gave up.. i broke up with him,and i was like so amazed when he didn't agree with me on that because as far as i know, he's the kind of guy who always breaks up with his gf's before, but not with me? i don't know.. i felt flattered though, and glad that i am not one of those girls he didn't love.. and that's according to him. he'd always tell me that i'm his first love and i believe him.. :) i have nothing against him because he really loves me, it's just that, i dont know how to understand him.. i can't.. okay. the problem's with me. GAGA! sometimes, i wanna feel numb because i don't want to feel all these unwanted feelings. unneccessary feelings towards his actions because he's not doing anything illegal,in fact, he's so honest.. he'd always tell me where he'd go, who he's with and all that..haaay i'm being pathetic and paranoid! what's wrong with me? i don't want this. gahd! i love him so much and i'm so scared that i might just lose him because of my unwanted attitudes. huhu help! badly need help! i have a lot more to share next time.. i'm getting so sleepy now so 'kay! enough with the drama. i need to go to bed now. good night. :(

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

sentiments

i've made my share of mistakes... part of it was my fault... and "sorry" will never be enough..
i feel like missing him sometimes... wishing and hoping that we can be good friends... i wanna get close with him, again(not the close2x like be together again as a couple thing ha hehe)... but, you know, living a separate life with him has somehow helped us to be happy...
i wanna talk to him again because i feel like there are so many things i wanna apologize for... tsktsk..but still, i have no regrets.. i'm even glad he's happy now... really...

Monday, September 7, 2009

MAYBE...

okay! enough with all these pretensions!

i am bothered and confused with what i'm feeling this past few days and even until awhile ago:(

it all started when i saw THEIR picture.. (bryan and his current girlfriend) .. i know i'm not supposed to feel this way because i was the one who chose to broke up with him, i was the one who first got into another relationship after our break up, i should not be affected. but why am i feeling this way? have i made the wrong decision? or am i just being and feeling selfish again?! ugh!

i was okay na eh! then this picture showed up! and i was so damn "affected" again...

Me and bryan.. we were on a roller coaster ride.. we've been through worsts and bliss.. we've been through a lot and he showed me things i never knew i could see.. i've learned a lot about life because of him and i can't deny that... i owe him a lot... but i can't consider that a reason on why i am still having this heavy feeling inside me everytime i think about him with his girl!

i should be over him long time ago... i don't want this feeling... i feel guilty everytime i get hurt because of bryan... i feel guilty because i already have my boyfriend and he loves me... he always try to make me happy. and i am happy with him. he's the best thing in my life right now.. i don't wanna hurt him..

maybe i am just missing the old times with bryan.. i know, i don't love him now as before.. no! i don't love him anymore.. but i care for him still.. ugh! whatever! i just want him out of my intestine! LOLx.. haaay

i miss the way i used to love him.. :) and that i know, is for sure...

maybe. i could not love anyone right now as much as i loved bryan.. maybe this is why i can't let go of those feelings... MAYBE... and i hope that someday, i can be with someone i can love much much more than i used to loved bryan...

honestly, right now, i can only smile(but with teary eyes) everytime i remember the things that used to be... it was a great feeling eh... one that you'll miss when you can't feel it anymore... pareha karon.. hehe

pamawi:

PLEASE KNOW THAT EVEN THOUGH I DON'T LOVE VIRGIL AS MUCH AS I USED TO LOVED BRYAN, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I LOVE VIRGIL ANY LESS... we're stil on the process of developing/nourturing our feelings man gud hehe... bag-o lang mi.. so, we really can't say... basin diay, the person that i've been waiting for is the same person i am with right now dba?...

life is unpredictable.. we don't know what's ahead of us..

Monday, August 31, 2009

i love you big time!


It was not an accident why we met. It is already written and planned.


I’ve always asked God to grant me happiness and contentment in life. I wasn’t so sure on how and when God will answer those prayers. It was okay for me to wait for those things to arrive. I didn’t look for it. I just waited. Patiently… then you came. And I was certain. YOU are the answer to my prayers…


You listen to me. You accepted all of me. My imperfections and flaws don’t matter to you. You care for me so much. You take care of me. You love me. What more could I ask for…?


You’ve become my best friend. Someone I can call a real partner. You are someone so special, so important. You are someone worth living for.


You make me smile, you make me laugh, you can make me real mad, and you can make me feel so sad. What ever it is that you do to me, you know I will always love you.


I love you! So much… and I could live this way my whole life… I love you!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

confusions, sadness and churva churva tsktsk

i am over him! or at least that's what i wanna think! but with what i saw over the internet a while ago? whew! i felt some electricity running through the wholeness of my body.. caught myself into thinking.. "what if...? what could have happen if those things never happened to us?" *sigh! but please do not misunderstand this entry.. i have no regrets at all.. it's just that i miss those times with him.. all of those stupidity! those fights! those curses! haha it was indeed a great experience.. one of a kind.. not the usual relationship one could have.. the distance, sacrifices, family acceptance and all.. it's all oh so memorable.. :) there's this "happy-sad" feeling i'm feeling right now.. happy because once in my life i met him, i had him.. sad because, it did not worked out for us.. it did not last.. but i know i'll always have with me those treasured moments.. most unforgettable, most cherished times,enough to put a smile on my face everytime i think about him and me and what we had before.. :)

i am happy right now.. not so sure if i'm happier now than before, but at least i am happy.. right? hehe

it was US before.. now? it's about THEM.. :) he has moved on, and i am happy for him.. (no bitterness involved) HAHA

oh well! naa naman sad koy akoa.. :) we often fight over petty things but that's nothing compared to all the happiness he brings.. CHAR :))

(okay ra akong pag deny sa sakit? okay ra ang drama ug mga rason?HAHA btaw, i am kindah hurt, but you know, what is.. initial reaction is initial reaction..) hehehe :) bahala na! haha

Saturday, June 20, 2009

i wish..

i'm bothered...

how can you love someone so much but not liking the situation, the feeling, on how it grows so much in each and everyday that you're together?

i am afraid of what is happening. i am so scared to fall so much in love with him..
i don't want another broken heart, i don't want another heart ache.

i know I've been here so many times already.
problem with me is i never get used to this.
it will always feel like it's something new,when i know for a fact that it's not.

i could not anymore fathom this situation.
i wish i could teach my heart not to fall too much.
"hey! you should only love him up to there. you are not allowed to exceed"
i wish i could whisper that to my heart,and the heart would only follow what i want.

i love him,no doubt about it.
it's just that,i don't want to disappoint myself if ever things wont work out anymore..
I'm too selfish to think of this kind of possibilities i know,
i only want a normal relationship, "uyab-uyab lang sa, dili mag binuang pero dili sad kaayo seryoso" ana lang gud.. aron wala kaayo problema ba.. haay!
i wish i'm somebody, that i am another person, someone a little numb when it comes to love. i really wish i am someone like that...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

because he loves me...

Because i can't contain it anymore, i have no choice but to spill everything here in my blog.. :)

i always find myself smiling lately.. yes! i am happy. and no words can ever explain how much happiness I'm feeling..
having him is like having everything.. you couldn't ask for anything else, because, he is more than enough.. :)
Lucky, you think? oh no! i'd rather say
I'm BLESSED... :)

i am not scared of what it is that will happen after all this bliss.. i am not afraid of what life could bring.. not anymore.. Because i know. he'll be with me..

times when I'm with him, i just want the clock to stop ticking.. i want the world to stop spinning, because i only wanna be with him..

he takes all my worries away.. tears could never even attempt to run down my cheeks because they know that there's someone who'd wipe them out even before they start to fall..

i want to live this way.. to live life with him.. it's all i want.. and he's all i need..

Sunday, May 24, 2009

good-bye's are not the end... :(

as i am facing this computer, constantly thinking of what just happened between me and Bryan, i was in doubt if i should write about this whole thing since many of you might read it...suddenly, i found myself hurting.. :(

we've been together in a relationship for almost 2 years(2 years this june,supposed to be).. and with that time that we had, we have been through a LOT. we've been through worsts.. oh! i'm goin' to rephrase that.. I've been through worst.. you might wanna ask why?... yeah! we had lots and lots of problems and honestly, i was the only one who strived hard to have those problems solved.. and guess what? i just realized that awhile ago :( ...

yeah yeah! of course he loved me, but he is just not that type of guy who'll help you get through to anything that comes in your way.. he is the kind that would just let you have it all in your own way until it gets solved.. we've gotten that far in our relationship, basically, because i fought for it.. ALONE! :(

untill one day, i got tired.. i had enough.. and i just don't feel like i still wanna try because, i just realized that; WE are partners.. we should be helping each other, be with each other specially during tough times.. but that never happened.. and that pains me... i denied the pain i felt all this time because i thought it could help.. but i was wrong.. and that made the wound worst.. it cuts deeper and deeper everytime.. and so i gave up..

it's never that easy to forget everything.. it didn't made me any stronger, it made me weaker instead..

those tears i shed, those laughters, those smiles, will be carved for always in my heart..
i'm sorry it didn't work out for us.. you will never be forgotten because you made great changes in my life.. and i owe you for that..

i'm so sorry..

thank you for everything....

=( =( =(

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

happiness in a while...

There’s a lot to say...

There are so many things that's going on... I am dumb-founded (exaggeratedly true)... My head's spinning like a yo-yo... My heart beats so fast then so slow... Does it always have to be this way..?(I asked myself)... I found no answers... there was only silence... I have disappointed myself as much as i disappointed them (those people who I think who cares)… I chose to believe on the other side without any assurance if it'll bring me good or not... I took a chance... I hope it'll be just worth it... I am happy... I don't know how long will this happiness would last... it may end up too soon but at least, it made me happy... it's not being selfish... I just realized that I need to be happy even just for a little while... This might just hurt me after but I know I’ll have no regrets... POINT IS? : I found HAPPINESS...

Stupidity as you might call it… fact is? I DON’T CARE…

People will never stop making gossip and issues about everyone else… and that’s the saddest truth ever… they’ll never stop pointing things against you… you just have to play their games… they’ll only stop because of either they are already tired or you won… but the best thing to do is to let them get tired of their own dramas… everything has its endings… and the best part is? Yeah you might fail, but you will learn…

Friday, January 2, 2009

the break up :((

first post for the year.

how unlucky i am to begin this year with the saddest story.. me and bryan? i guess we're done.. i guess i am giving up, not that i am weak, but because, i have no more reason to fight anymore. he's leaving me behind. and i am not that stupid to wait for nothing. i am not dumb to keep on holding on when it is all clear enough that i am not important to him. he don't need me. he doesn't love me anymore. it hurts. really. but i don't wanna beg ANYMORE. i'm too tired. guess i had enough. i hope i can move on. i still love him so much. but that doesn't matter to him. :(( i hope i can handle this. i hope it will all get better soon. i'm not good in moving :((

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

alive? lifeless maybe :(

there are a lot of things in my mind lately which made me feel anxious.. it has been bothering me all the while and i couldn't help but worry.. i am not able to mingle with people lately, haven't been exposed to the sun for quite a while, never eaten right, and i am concentrating much on my misfortunes and i realized how lifeless i become.. i wasn't aware of my being "DEAD", until a friend, without any hesitations,spoke of truth and told me how my ACTS of DESPERATION becomes visible/noticeable enough and how it dominates my life(as if i still have a life). *Sigh. it hurts to know the truth but i have to face it.okay.. i just can't act normally knowing that i am carrying tons and tons of this sh*t! i am trying but i guess i need a little more *PUSH* on that part.. i just don't have the will to fight anymore.. i am gradually losing every bit of hope that's left.. i am too exhausted.. i wanna give up but i don't see it as a solution, not even an option.. i wanna go on and continue, but how? i don't even know where to begin.. i feel like i am life-deprived..

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

sad christmas :(

okay, it's already 1 am.. december 24, 2008.. DAMN! it's almost x'mas.. unfortunately, i almost didn't noticed it.. and i know for sure why..

haay how i wish i'd be able to spend it with bryan.. like before :(
yah yah, i know it's not possible.. he'll be home.. but not this christmas..
i'm feeling so lonely and sad.. :( never felt this kind of sadness before, swear!

i woke up with an aching heart. and i mean, physical pain. i woke up almost crying.. i'm so sad.. maybe i'm just missing him terribly :(
this isn't good but i need to face this!

on the brighter side..
i'm still thankful because we're ok now. :)
we were like fighting for almost a week straight and thank God the war's over..
:) for now maybe HAHA

ok. he loves me! =p i know right? :))
but i love him more. i swear i love you more than anything..