Tuesday, November 29, 2011

love, you have invested so much in our relationship and i am so thankful and grateful for that... i have hurt you so many times, we broke up so many times but in the end, it's still us... i love you so much... i don't ever wanna lose you love, you're my happiness.

you did everything for me, for alannah..
you compromised half of your plans because of me.
i felt bad and thankful at the same time.
i promise, i'd do anything for you, for Alannah, for us for our relationship.


i love you love.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

ganina

i am okay.. or at least for now.. or maybe, wa pa na absord nako ang nahitabo ganina.. basta, i know i'll be fine.. i'll be okay.. ako pa? :D i don't wanna wake up nga ako ra gihapoy gihimong tanga,,, what happened ganina was a blessing in disguise,i guess.. para ma undang na ang kinahanglan undangon...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

blah!!

i don't know what to feel, in all honesty.. but one thing's for sure, i miss him so much!

Monday, March 21, 2011

happy. :)

simple things from someone you love could mean the world to you :)

i hated how all these changes are coming so drastically,particularly in our relationship. i hate the distance. i hate missing him. i hate my negative thoughts about what he's always up to. i hate how i make him feel like i don't trust him at times. yeah, because we're miles apart and it's just killing me not being with him like how it used to.

the lonesomeness is just way too painful whenever i'm alone in my room and could think of just wanting to always be with him everyday of my life. i wanna spend all my time being with him(which i know won't be possible to happen now or anytime soon because he has to work).

last night was never different from all of the past nights without him.

but what he did last night has just blown me off. my tears fell, i couldn't helped it. i was so happy. he did something so great. he did something no one else ever did, really. it made me love him more. i swear!

he may never be that handsome or tall or intelligent. he's not perfect i know, but he's the right one for me,for now.

he has done a lot for me and i couldn't thank him enough for everything. i know, i can feel it, he loves me so much and i am so blessed to have someone who loves me this way. i really couldn't ask for anything more right now..

You're still so good to me Lord. despite who and what i am, you're always here for me. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

blagadag! lazy ass!!

sometimes you can't help but ask yourself--- "why me?" or "why him?"

i was deeply in love with this guy but unfortunately, he doesn't feel the same for me. For him, I am just a "FRIEND". Blame me for being so stupid. But in spite of that FACT, i continued loving him, loving him and just loving him. I was so deaf and blind about the TRUTH because i believed that "when you love someone, you must fight for that love", and so i did. The possibilities of getting hurt and getting DUMPED never crossed my mind. I was so positive about everything. I was contented just by loving him and being there for him... as a friend.

But of course! Life can be cruel at times. and so the worst thing happened.

Suddenly, he stopped caring. he stopped needing me. That was it? it's not fair!!! But i could never blame him... I tried to reach out, but nothing happened. and the least thing i did? i just cried. i cried and i cried hoping that when the tears would stop, the pain would stop as well. But it didn't.

There i was. lonesome and lonely. stressed and depressed.

It was so hard for me to move on because I've given him a lot :( and what made it the hardest? oh well... (for you to find out)...

i thought it was the end. i wanted to be dead. it was undoubtedly, the BIGGEST and the HARDEST trouble I've ever gotten into. ooops! I'm sorry but i don't want to relive the feeling i had during those times. so.......... :P

(making it short)

i suffered BIGTIME!... i tried to act strong, i had to be strong.
(i don't want any DRAMA right now... so i'll skip this part right here LOL)

:) WHAT MATTERS NOW IS THAT I'M GOOD AND WE'RE ALL GOOD. ayt?HAHA

lot's of things had happen lately in my life, and up until now, i still can't believe how i surpassed'em all. :) but i don't want to question anymore. :) i'm just so thankful i was able to handle everything. thank you so much Lord. :)

(i ruined that portion right there. oh! i'm so sorry, it's just that, all of a sudden i feel LAAAAZZZZYYYY HAHAHA)

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

sure ko?

it was last june 21, 2010 when i first met you.. i never liked you.. you used to look at me weirdly, and it annoys me.. but still i befriended you, because, i have this feeling that you're not that bad and all. we talked, we laughed, we watched movies, we listened to music, and i got to know you well. days passed, and we had this kind of connection.. i was never sure about my feelings for you that time, pero gisugot tika. you introduced me to all of your friends, you were so proud at that time, that i was your girl. but everytime your friends would ask me if we were really 'gf/bf', i'd always deny it. and nasakitan ka. you even asked me once 'quen, ikaulaw ko nimo nga uyab ta?' and i said, 'no, hadlok lang ko sa ila ma storya', but still, i know i've hurt you.. weeks passed and you gave up, because you felt that i don't care and i'm not proud of you.. it was okay.. we remained friends. we still hangout every time, and like everyday it was still me and you, until i fell in love. i never told you, because i want you to ask me again if i'm willing to be your girl, one more time. but that never happened. one day we had a serious conversation, and i finally told you i love you. you just smiled, you thanked me. but you never told me you love me too. that was still okay. everday that we're together, my for you just keeps going stronger.. one day, you said you're going out on a vacation with friends in manila and with your family in singapore.. it made me sad, because, with all that time that you''d have away from me, you might find someone else, but then you told me, that if i will quit smoking and stop drinking when you come back, you're going to court me again. i was happy. you were in singapore, and i am here yet you never failed to go online and chat with me even in the middle of the night. you even messaged es saying how you missed me. i was hopeful. you came home, you've been so sweet and i was surprised. but still you never told me those words. one morning we talked, you told me you love me, but you're not ready to commit. i cried. you hugged me.. we remained just friends, until now.. we've been friends for 7 months now, but you've changed already. you've changed a lot. you're treating me like i'm just no one. even to the point that you told me you feel nothing for me anymore. you disrespected and insulted me in front of your friends and mine. pero okay ra, i don't blame you for anything.. and i still love you, despite everything... you pushed me away but still here i am, trying to stand still, trying to be strong because i still love you... we've been through a lot bisag sa gamay nga time nga nag-uban ta.. and it's not that easy to let go... i'm still hoping. even if i know it has already ended... even if i know that you were long gone...

just a while ago,

i realized, i don't deserve all these pain.. i wanna be happy.. it's hard but i have to move on, to let go, and to go on with my life... that's why i'm saying good-bye... i hope sayun ra ang tanan... i'll be happy in time...

i'm letting go. and i'm ready to move on.

happy ending- Mika lyrics

Art of letting go by Mikaila

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

*sigh

i wanna say i'm okay, that everything's going just fine, but how? things are getting heavier and i cannot conceal it any longer. i wanna hate myself for the things that's happening, but who else would love me if i, myself would choose to hate who i am?

i'm trying so hard to act strong, to be strong but i'm not getting stronger each day. i'm on the verge of breaking down and giving up, but i thought, that wouldn't help it either. *sigh!

he's not helping and i can't do anything about that. he wants to be happy, then let him have his happiness. pfft!

i'm so confused. God, please help me... i know you're the only one who can help me with this..

sleep

i survived another day. i have forgotten everything about the world for 24hours. only because i slept the whole day. i wish to stay asleep for a long time until everything's fine so i wouldn't have to suffer this kind of pain every time my eyes are open.

You Learn+Lyrics Alanis Morissette

Guns N' Roses - Patience lyrics(and some pictures)

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

black :(

i was there when you were still so tiny and cute.. i was there when he'd feed you with worms, dragonflies and flies.. i watched you grow bigger and bigger each time... i'd look for you whenever i don't see you anywhere... it's just sad to know that i may not be able to see you grow bigger anymore... :( i'm gonna miss you... i hope when you grow BIGGER, you won't scare people like how you scare me at times :D i hope he'd still take good care of you. bye black :(