Wednesday, January 26, 2011

sure ko?

it was last june 21, 2010 when i first met you.. i never liked you.. you used to look at me weirdly, and it annoys me.. but still i befriended you, because, i have this feeling that you're not that bad and all. we talked, we laughed, we watched movies, we listened to music, and i got to know you well. days passed, and we had this kind of connection.. i was never sure about my feelings for you that time, pero gisugot tika. you introduced me to all of your friends, you were so proud at that time, that i was your girl. but everytime your friends would ask me if we were really 'gf/bf', i'd always deny it. and nasakitan ka. you even asked me once 'quen, ikaulaw ko nimo nga uyab ta?' and i said, 'no, hadlok lang ko sa ila ma storya', but still, i know i've hurt you.. weeks passed and you gave up, because you felt that i don't care and i'm not proud of you.. it was okay.. we remained friends. we still hangout every time, and like everyday it was still me and you, until i fell in love. i never told you, because i want you to ask me again if i'm willing to be your girl, one more time. but that never happened. one day we had a serious conversation, and i finally told you i love you. you just smiled, you thanked me. but you never told me you love me too. that was still okay. everday that we're together, my for you just keeps going stronger.. one day, you said you're going out on a vacation with friends in manila and with your family in singapore.. it made me sad, because, with all that time that you''d have away from me, you might find someone else, but then you told me, that if i will quit smoking and stop drinking when you come back, you're going to court me again. i was happy. you were in singapore, and i am here yet you never failed to go online and chat with me even in the middle of the night. you even messaged es saying how you missed me. i was hopeful. you came home, you've been so sweet and i was surprised. but still you never told me those words. one morning we talked, you told me you love me, but you're not ready to commit. i cried. you hugged me.. we remained just friends, until now.. we've been friends for 7 months now, but you've changed already. you've changed a lot. you're treating me like i'm just no one. even to the point that you told me you feel nothing for me anymore. you disrespected and insulted me in front of your friends and mine. pero okay ra, i don't blame you for anything.. and i still love you, despite everything... you pushed me away but still here i am, trying to stand still, trying to be strong because i still love you... we've been through a lot bisag sa gamay nga time nga nag-uban ta.. and it's not that easy to let go... i'm still hoping. even if i know it has already ended... even if i know that you were long gone...

just a while ago,

i realized, i don't deserve all these pain.. i wanna be happy.. it's hard but i have to move on, to let go, and to go on with my life... that's why i'm saying good-bye... i hope sayun ra ang tanan... i'll be happy in time...

i'm letting go. and i'm ready to move on.

No comments: