crap!!!!

i woke up feeling heavy and with my heart beating abnormally. this shouldn't be happening. i only have one reason for this. unsurprisingly, because of Bryan. stupidity! i don't wanna admit to myself that i still love him because, i shouldn't be loving him anymore. but how can i deny it when all these stupid feelings and mixed of emotions are haunting me. i feel like crying because i don't understand everything. everything's fuckin' up!! i don't wanna become unfair to Virgil, because, there's no doubt that he loves me and i don't wanna hurt him. i don't wanna hurt people anymore.. this is all my fault in the first place. but all this time, i thought, i'm through with all these crap! and then now? all of a sudden, i am in this situation again. I've been here. and as far as i wanna get rid of this,the more it's coming back on me. is this, what they call, KARMA? well, maybe. i have to face this. but it's killing me. it's absorbing all my strength. the more that i try to solve it, the more it's making me weak. and it hurts like BOOOOO!! crap!! my heart's like it's been crumpled and torn apart.. f*CK this!