tired much

i'm too tired. it has been like this for a few months, and i'm still holding on... i just can't let go... this is so exhausting... i don't know why i'm punishing myself. i know i deserve my happiness... i'm acting stupid... my heart's like it's been torn apart.. i always feel like crying...

i miss having a normal life.. think i already forgot what FUN's all about..

i miss being happy...

hey! :(

i don't know, but despite everything, he still means a lot to me.. i find it so hard to let go and just forget him because he taught me a lot and that's really something... i miss him.. i miss how he used to be.. i miss how we used to be.. i miss it when he'd tell me he loves me and how he cares for me.. everything has changed now and it hurts me a lot...

no more "island view's"...

no more US :(

he's obviously happy now and unfortunately, i feel the opposite :( i feel lacking... i feel empty... i feel abandoned and ignored... i feel so unloved... i feel so unworthy... i feel so useless.. i am really really hopeless now...

and yea! i'm hopeless! so what am i still doing here??! stupid!! i know right? :(

i just feel like, i still want to be a part of him in any way possible.. truth is.. i cant afford losing him.. not now.. i know not what to do anymore... can't think straight... can't do anything right...

i am a loser!! or not? i don't know! i don't know what i am.. all i know is,

I NEED HIM this baaaaaaaaaaaad :(

i wish he knows how i feel.

hey!

i still love you...... so much :(

kapungot!

okay..

so..

i'll try..

i'll give it a try!

unsa man jud?

why is it that every time i start to give up and ignore you, it's when you try to remember me and please me? you're confusing me :(

Kelly clarkson - My Grown Up Christmas List (W/ Lyrics)

set you free - mymp

oh my! i miss you.. and it's just to painful to love you.. kay wa ko kabalo unsa ko sa imo kinabuhi... i know i'll be fine soon.. i hope... i'm just hurting because until now bisag layo naka, i still love you so much... and still loving you more everyday... ug pwede pa lang storyahan ang heart nga dili nalang ikaw, ako na siguro gibuhat, kay sakit man gud.. pero mawala ang kasakit pagmkadumdum ko ug mafeel nako unsa tka ka love.... libog much! ako sad galibog... hehe btaw, happy nako basta mapa happy lang tkaw... okay na na nako... kung dani rajud ko taman... kung dana ra jud ko taman... siguro madawat ra nako puhon... pero unta, unta... every night, i always pray to God, that i hope someday, ako unta... ako nalang unta... i heartily and sincerely mean every words. pinatulo luha pa. murag salida hehe btaw, wish i could tell you how much i love you again,in person, someday... i miss you soooooooo much :( and i mean it! pwede ko iyak? :'( i love you! you mean everything to me.. God knows how much i love you!

flightless bird - iron & wine lyrics

God gave me U

Across the Universe lyrics

love him

LOVE – it is everywhere and it is in every one of us.

Loving has become my habit or even my way of life. I cannot live without it. When I love, I love passionately, I love deeply that’s why when I get hurt because of it, it would feel like it’s the end of everything to me. I don’t know, it’s just the way I am. I find it hard for me to control my feelings when it comes to it. I don’t know how to love without giving my all, without giving a hundred percent. That’s why when I lose it, I would feel like I have lost everything. But you know what? After meeting this man, I was slowly learning how to balance things and feelings. I learned a lot from him and I am still learning even more right now. Gradually, I am finding my way back to the right path. He has changed me. And I mean, A LOT! He taught me more and more about life and living and loving. He has given me the right direction that no one ever did. And even though I know he doesn’t feel the same, I actually don’t care.

before, when someone would say “when you love, you don’t ask for any thing in return”, and I was like-“that’s just not fair!”.. but hey! Look at me now? I am happy even if I know he doesn’t love me. He cares for me! That’s all that matters to me now… I love him. I’m happy loving him. And I know that it isn’t selfishness. I thank God so much for giving me a friend and a person to love. Maybe God gave him to me, because He knows that I could have my life back if I’d ever meet him. And as always, God never fails. J thank you oh dear Lord so much! I will always have my faith in you!

just sad

There are some things in your life, that no matter how you try to conceal it, you can’t. Feelings you can’t hide, Tears that couldn’t help but fall. Broken hearts that was never mended, sadness, emptiness? It’ll show, no matter how you try to deny it.

You have to shout it out if you must. Show it off until it’s gone.

I wish it’ll all be that easy to do.

The hardest part is, when you can’t find any other way, but to cry and keep everything by yourself. It’s a fact that every one of us, should know how to let go and move on no matter how painful it is, because the more you hold on to it, the more it’ll hurt.

Funny is that, you cannot teach your heart to love the ones who love you. You always end up loving someone who doesn’t feel the same- ironic.

The only thing that has kept me going is the faith, that somehow, someday, I’ll have my turn. Being cynical about this kind of situation wouldn’t help you get through it. Sometimes, all you gotta need is to keep even the tiniest hope in your veins in order to survive.

friends.. for keeps :)

i'm going to blog because i don't feel well..

its really sad when you get too attached to the people you always hang out with and then suddenly, they have to go to places for some reasons.. :(

been hanging out everyday with my super friends for almost 4months straight 'til now and i'm getting used to this...

they've been like a part of my daily routine, that whenever we don't see/call/talk/text each other in a day, would make me feel sad and lacking...

now, one by one, they're leaving. not for good, but then i'm still gonna miss them :(

mik2x-went to the states

shan and buray-busy with their reviews

and now tap2x, my closest friend, more like my brother, is leaving for cebu. :(

i know we all have different lives to live. i completely understand that.. it's just that, i'm really really really going to miss them.. :(

our tagay sessions, laag2x, kaon2x, chikka2x and everything..

it wouldn't be the same anymore,i know... i just hope that wherever we go, whatever we do, we won't be able to forget what we have.. FRIENDSHIP!

i love my friends so much. they're like my brothers and sisters :) we've shared a lot of laughs and tears. :) they were there when i needed them the most and i love them so much for that.

mawala na ang tanan dili lang sila :)

crap!!!!

i woke up feeling heavy and with my heart beating abnormally. this shouldn't be happening. i only have one reason for this. unsurprisingly, because of Bryan. stupidity! i don't wanna admit to myself that i still love him because, i shouldn't be loving him anymore. but how can i deny it when all these stupid feelings and mixed of emotions are haunting me. i feel like crying because i don't understand everything. everything's fuckin' up!! i don't wanna become unfair to Virgil, because, there's no doubt that he loves me and i don't wanna hurt him. i don't wanna hurt people anymore.. this is all my fault in the first place. but all this time, i thought, i'm through with all these crap! and then now? all of a sudden, i am in this situation again. I've been here. and as far as i wanna get rid of this,the more it's coming back on me. is this, what they call, KARMA? well, maybe. i have to face this. but it's killing me. it's absorbing all my strength. the more that i try to solve it, the more it's making me weak. and it hurts like BOOOOO!! crap!! my heart's like it's been crumpled and torn apart.. f*CK this!

the reply :)

OMG! i just couldn't believe it:) i'm like so happy!! yey!! haha why? remember i told you that i greeted bryan during his birthday and have had no reply? well, he replied! and i think he was kind of touched when i greeted him that's why he has sent me a very kind response haha haaay no! this is nothing! i'm just happy because he is still the same person i once knew :) he really hasn't changed.. and, i miss him. i really told him i miss him. well i don't care what he'd think about it anyway :)) haha and he asked for my cellphone number! like, WHAT? haha okay, he's not the kind of guy that would still hang out with his ex's so yah, i'm like so surprised. i gave him my number immediately. of course, i wanna know how he's rollin' this days you know :) weeeee i am just so happy :) his reply completed my day :) and now,i can sleep with a smile painted on my face hahahaha or a tear to fall down on my cheeks? WTF! :(

uncertainties

i just don't get it. i don't understand my life.. it's like everything's becoming so blurry and unclear. part of it, yeah, i love some part of it.. but mostly? i just hate it. myself.. i hate myself.. i don't like the way i am.. i am not good enough. i don't do anything right.. i don't have anything i can be proud of. except for the fact that i am a good lover hahaha but besides that, nothing. nothing else feels right..

i dropped out of school. because i don't like it being there anymore.. i don't like seeing a lot of people and talking and connecting to them. and worse, i don't know why i am acting like this.. maybe i lost my sanity.. which is really really really bad and sad hahaha

my boyfriend, he doesn't know that i dropped out because one thing's for sure, he'll be so mad at me if he'd know about it. my gahd! haaay BOO HOO!!!

right now, i just wanna be in a place where no one knows me.. i wanna go sou lsearching and all. maybe i need that. haay i just hope i'd get the chance to do that. i wanna fix everything in my life..

Last night I dream that you were beside me
It seems so real that I cried
When you've touched me
You’re my angel
And you've given me wings

And I fly away with you wherever you go
Cause you filled my heart and you captured my soul
And baby i want you to know

CHORUS:
If there's one thing in this world that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart

And I know there's a million stars between us
But that won't stop my longing
To hold you and to kiss you
How I love you

And I'll find my way to you wherever you are
Coz you're in my soul and you've got my heart
And your love will carry me on

CHORUS:
If there's one thing in this world that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart

Here in my arms,were you should be
Cause your love that makes me believe
That nothing or no one can tear us apart cause baby your in my heart

CHORUS:
If there's one thing in this world that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart

anxiety

hey there my dearest! i missed you! haha oh well, i miss blogging so here i am :)

let me start it with a *sigh! haaaay :( i don't understand why i feel this way.. he's been in my mind for like what? a week maybe.. he. i mean, bryan. tsk. why can't i get over him...this is driving me insane. this is just so wrong. you know what? there were i guess, two or three nights that i cried because i missed him? i don't know. who can tell? *sigh! again! this is stressing me out. i came to a point when i started comparing the differences between bryan and virgil. it's just so fukcin' wrong! i'm not myself lately, or am i? GAHD!!

to tell you the truth, i have messaged him, i greeted him because it was his birthday last 18th. and i was so fukcin' anxious that he's not replyin'.. only to know that he's not in washington but in calif right now. so yeah, that explains why he hasn't replied. i am, yes! waiting for a reply. i look desperate! goodness!! but the hell i care! this is what i want now. i am not after anything.. i am only doing this because, i miss the feeling of having him. i am not expecting for anything. i am not doing this to have him back.. it's not like that and i don't even think that would be a great idea. i just want to feel that he's not gone.. like, he's still here.. for me.. because he has been my bestfriend.. he was once my best friend :(

if ever virgil could read this, maybe he'll get angry or upset but know what? he shouldn't feel that way because i love him and i wont do anything that could make him mad.. i'm just trying to burst out what i feel because i can't talk with this kind of stuffs with virgil.. right? and i don't wanna share this things to anyone because, i don't want to hahaha haaay i just hope and pray that everything will be fine...

God is good.i know. :)

hmmm? :)

i'm the only one in the house who's still awake.. it's late already and i have this insomnia again.. :) i was checking on my Facebook and twitter, read some random things about random friends and random people when i suddenly felt random :) weird,eh?

hmm i've reaed several tweets of some people on how they enjoyed much of their day and how busy they are, and i thought, how i wanted to have a busy and happy life like them.. i mean, i want it to happen like, always.. :) haha well, i somehow i feel tired already of not having to do much fun stuffs, i always worry about something and i think i'm focusing too much on one thing that i never get to enjoy the rest of what i have.. get me? i hope you do. haha

i miss the life i used to have.. less worries,just pure fun! haaay i wish i could get to have that life again. it's really all up to me,ayt? problem is, i don't know how to begin. :) haha

right now, it's all i wanna do. i wanna have fun fun fun. i want happiness.. and, i'll try to start to live like that first thing tomorrow :) haha

that's all for now :) ciao! :)

just woke up.

i just woke up.. and i don't feel well..physically and emotionally.. i'm kind if pissed because until now, virgil's still not answering my calls and texts.. i don't want to start a fight again but the hell! he should keep his promises! i haven't eaten anything today and i'm feeling really really hungry now but i don't wanna go out of this room until i get a reply from him. :) haha i'm punishing myself! gahd! my eyes are hurting because i slept soo late. oh! i slept so early haha because i went to sleep 5am this morning,so yea! that's early. haha and plus! i haven't take shower yet so i think i already smell awful haha imma do that later 'coz i'm still not in the mood to MOVE =)

arayt! i'm feelin' lazy to think and type so, latez!

jst before i go to sleep :)

let me just blog since i can't sleep yet. i'm really not feeling sleepy at all. it's already 4 Am and here i am, still facing my laptop. i miss my babo.. he went home but he'll be back here tomorrow :) i'm always missing him.. i'm really so attached to him.. tsk. i don't know if that's a good thing, all i know is that i feel so right everytime i'm with him. *smile. 'kay, so since i already started it, imma tell you everything about my boyfriend now.

he's full name's Virgil dela Cruz Chiong. 3rd son of mr. perferio chiong and henrieta chiong. has 3 siblings,namely; Christiaan chiong, paul vincent chiong and andrew chiong.

birthdate: dec. 19, 1988. he's now 21 years old. he lives in brgy. sta. cruz, tangub city..

:)) okay,

he's my one and only love :) haha we often get into small fights because, we're both intelligent hahaha no.. we fight a lot because non of us is willing to give up something for our relationship. when i say give up something,i mean, to give up the things that we have used to had or the things that we used to experience on both our previous relationship slash partners. sad i know. but slowly, we're working on things now..

virgil:

used to have a "wala-lang-relationship"

quennie:

"been through a series of serious relationship"

he's new at something so familiar to me

i'm new at something so familiar to him..

where do we go from here? hmmm

we are dealing on this. we know, things will get better soon. this sin't such a big big big deal you know, it's just that fighting over the same things? it's very tiring.. so, yah!

i'm happy that he's putting so much effort for our relationship.. i know he loves me.. it shows, and i'm just so glad he does.. he's the best person i know.. nothing compares to him. no one. that's why i love him. and i'm loving him for always.... :)

'til next time. babush for now, blog! haha